Let Love In
by gaycrusader
Summary: Brian got the job in New York and left just after his 30th birthday. He's returned to Pittsburgh 5 years later to start his own firm. Justin has changed, but Brian still wants him. But can Justin let Brian close again? Rated M for later chapters. Disclaimer - I don't own Queer as Folk.
1. Chapter 1

Justin's arms began to shake as he and Michael reached the top of the stairs with Justin's new bed. Well... mattress.

"Are you sure about this, Michael?" Justin asked one more time, to be sure.

"Bit late for me to ask for it back now." Michael jokingly replied, whilst helping Justin position the mattress on the floor of his new apartment.

"Michael." Justin looked at Michael seriously as he stood up from his previous crouching position and dusted off his hands.

"Yeah he's... he's not coming back Justin." Justin felt bad for Michael, but was postive that Hunter would return. Someday, anyway. Justin knew about Hunter's upbringing, and he knew enough about people to understand that someone who had gone through that much shit in their past - especially family related shit - would not stay away from the prospect of two loving parents. Maybe he just wasn't used to having someone care. Maybe that scared him.

Justin said his goodbyes when Michael mentioned having to get back to his store. He had to go out soon anyway. He'd promised Lindsay he would meet her and Gus for Gus' birthday. After Brian left, Justin had spoken with Lindsay and Melanie about how they didn't have to stay friends with him now. This had just made Lindsay go into a lecture about how they liked him for him. That he was a person, not just an extension of Brian, and Melanie just made some quip about how she always had liked him more than Brian. Justin had looked up then, shocked that she should make such a comment so soon after his leaving, but Melanie was smiling sadly at him and he could see that she wasn't quite so pleased with Brian's leaving as she made out to be.

Around three years after Brian left, Justin realised that the whole 'no looking back' speech was only for him. Brian made regular contact with not just his son, but Lindsay, Michael and the rest of the boys too. He called them a few times a week and even paid for them to come and see him in New York. Justin never even recieved a text message. He'd had a lot of time to think about this over the remaining two years, and even now often wondered if it was him who made Brian leave. Was Brian getting away because he knew that they were wrong for each other? That no matter what, a couple needs to be headed in the same direction and it doesn't matter if they love each other, if either of them changes that would be sacrifice, not love? Because Brian knew that eventually... in years to come, maybe, but eventually Justin would want marraige, a home, a family. And Brian planned on fucking around until he was a pensioner. Maybe even as a pensioner?

Justin shook his head. He was going to that place again. Of course Brian didn't leave because of him. Brian had plans of New York since he started in advertising. Justin was just a one-night stand who never went away.

"Justin has to work now, Gus. We'll go to his new place to visit him soon. Won't that be nice."

Gus squealed with excitement and reached up to Justin for a goodbye hug. Justin lifted the giggling young boy onto his hip and laughed somewhat bitterly at Lindsay's words.

"Not too soon, I hope. I don't have any food. Or an oven to cook it with if I did. Or a table to eat it at. Or chairs. Or..."

"Or anything?" Lindsay laughed as she took her son back from Justin. "You'll get it furnished and looking lovely in no time at all, Justin. I know you've never lived on your own before but I swear it'll be fine."

"I hope so Lindsay, I jus-"

"Sunshine!" A loud voice called from behind the counter. "Get to work!"

"That'll be my queue to leave." Lindsay said, rolling her eyes at Debbie. She leaned in to give Justin a quick peck on his cheek before exiting the Diner.

Justin immedietly put on an apron, went round to the other side of the counter and started to pour coffee for the agitated customers.

A few hours later and it was almost the end of Justin's shift. He'd had to cut his hours since he found an agent to help show off and sell his art, he needed to be able to attend any gallery where his work had been shown, just in case someone important came along. Hours cut or not, Justin was still glad his shift was almost over. Debbie had gone home a few hours prior, and although the other workers were pleasant enough, without Deb's incessant chatter, work quickly got tedious.

Just as things were slowing down and Justin was about to remove his apron and wait for the night shift worker to come and take his place, someone sat down in front of the counter with his face buried in a newspaper. That was odd, thought Justin. People hardly ever read the paper in the evening.

Justin shook his head and asked - politely, as always - "Would you like to order something? Some food? Or do you just want coffee?"

"I would like some coffee, actually." Came a deep, muffled voice from behind the paper. "Black, two sugars, and with a side order of Sunshine."

Justin stopped pouring, even though the cup wasn't full. He looked up, and waited for the man lower the newspaper. He didn't need to though. He already knew.

Brian.

Justin did his best to keep his cool and seem as disinterested as possible.

"Hey stranger. You new in town?"

"No, actually. I lived here a few years back. Five, to be exact."

"Huh, that is weird. I don't remember you at all."

"Drop it, Justin."

"I don't know what you're talking about, Brian." Justin smiled up at the man. His feelings were all over the place, his heart taking off like a rocket. But he could do this. He would be the nonchalent one this time.

He finished pouring Brian's coffee, before taking off his apron and walking back around the counter. He wrapped his arms around Brian's neck and for a few seconds, let himself pretend that everything was ok. That he was seventeen again, and was able to be with this man - as much as Brian would let him anyway.

After what felt like half a second, but was probably a few minutes, Justin gathered his thoughts up again, took a deep breath and pulled away from Brian.

"How long are you down here for?"

"For good. My job in New York was for shit. They fired Cynthia and make me run errands. So I decided to start my own company. Of course, I can't afford the property for it down there, so back to the Pitts I go..."

How are you supposed to feel when someone who stabbed you in the heart and left you rotting on the ground strolls casually back into your life? Are you angry? Are you remorseful? Are you scared because you fear he will do it again? Or do you just let yourself be happy, because you loved him once. Justin wanted nothing more than to throw himself onto Brian and fuck like rabbits in the Diner's bathroom stalls... But Brian hurt him more than he had ever been hurt. Anyway, he was a grown man now. Not some crushing teenager.

So he smiled, stood and placed a hand on Brian's shoulder. "You should call it Kinnetik. With two ns."

Brian turned, intrigued by Justin's suggestion but when he looked round Justin was already half way out the door.

"You look good, Sunshine." Brian muttered to his coffee before downing the whole thing in one.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N - I'm SORRY that this is so short, it just felt right to stop where I stopped but I swear the next chapter will be up soon! Ps, Reviews = Love**

* * *

Justin was in Babylon and the E he'd gotten from Todd earlier in the night had begun to take effect. The classic thumpa-thumpa and the vibrations of the music had somehow managed to crawl up through the floor and into his body. Justin felt anoesis sweep through him and let his body move in time to the music without consciously thinking about what he was doing.

He felt hand after hand on his body. Teasing him, tempting him, groping his ass. He felt rough fingers deftly unbuttoning his shirt, and softer hands touching him from behind, creeping their way around his waist.

"Justin." A somewhat shrill, yet still masculine voice called out from seemingly nowhere. The word echoed in his mind. Justin, Justin, Justin. It took him a minute or two to remember that it was his name, so he opened one eye with a questioning look at Emmett.

"Can't let you get dehydrated, sweetie." Emmett said, holding out a bottle of water and looking somewhat apologetic when the two men suddenly lost interest in Justin and took off to find someone else to grind with.

Justin looked back and laughed. It was a good job Emmett got rid of those two he thought, he wasn't really into leather.

_"Had a busy night?"_

_"Just uh... checking out the bars, you know. Boy toy... Meathook..."_

_"Oh Meathook? Really? So you're into leather?"_

_"Sure."_

The memory hit Justin so forcefully he almost stumbled. He could see it all so clearly. The way Brian's lips had rolled into his mouth, and his eyebrows had knotted together ever so slightly at Justin's obvious lie.

Justin shook his head. Brian's return was fucking with him. Justin hadn't seen him since the diner two days ago, but Brian's omnipresence was clear. It was clear in the way Justin pictured his face when he jerked off in the shower after his diner shift. It was clear in the way Justin couldn't help but moan Brian's name while running his hands through decidedly less soft hair as his trick of the night blew him in the alley outside of Woody's.

And it was clear right now. In Babylon, flying on cheap E and rejecting every man who hit on him, simply because their eyes were not that perfect shade of hazel, their chin didn't jut out quite right when they smiled. The sweat running down their necks as they danced just didn't taste good enough. Rejecting them because he was high, and they were not Brian.

"Honey? You sure you're okay?" Justin opened his eyes to find himself stood by the bar with Emmett and Ted both looking at him with slight concern. He laughed because he didn't know what else to do.

"You kind of spaced out for a minute there. Did you get your E from Todd again?" Justin laughed again, because how could Ted know Todd? Todd was only ever in the back room and when was the last time Ted got laid? Justin started to laugh harder because Ted and Todd were such similar words.

* * *

Justin's hands were braced against the frame of Ted's car door. Ted just watched the situation unfold, amused, as Emmett shoved and shoved against the boys body, trying to force him into the back seat of the car.

"A little help here, Ted? I don't understand how he can be so strong and still so _tiny_."

"It's the muscles in his forearms. They're built up from jerking off so often."

All three of the men turned towards the voice, Justin's reaction a little slower than the other two. None of them had noticed Brian sidling up to watch the show.

Brian watched them turn to stare at him and shrugged. "He's ambidextrous."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N, Ok, I literally did not expect anybody to read this when I uploaded the first chapter but it appears people are, which means I'm going to finish it. I have to admit though, I'm really not sure where I'm headed with it and so I'm just going to keep writing and hope it ends up alright. The next story I post will be more thought out than this I assure you. I hope you like this chapter, again I'm sorry it's short.**

* * *

Justin listened to the sound of Ted's car pulling away. Emmett had given up trying to get him into the car once Brian had turned up, and just gotten in the back seat himself. Justin and Brian still hadn't said a word to one another. Justin was standing stock still with his eyes wide open like a deer in headlights. Brian smirked.

"Todd always did have shit E."

Justin just looked at him, but when Brian took a few steps toward him, Justin took a few steps back. Brian frowned. "C'mere."

"I'm gonna go to the diner." Justin ran a hand through his hair, brushing his short blonde fringe back for a moment, before turning and walking. Away from Liberty Avenue.

"Wrong way, Sunshine." Justin stopped where he was when he heard Brian call out to him. He knew some of the drug had worn off by now, but he still wanted to touch the sky and so he thought maybe he would at least let Brian escort him to the diner. No use getting himself lost. If he was lost there wouldn't be a Brian not to want. So he couldn't tell himself he didn't want Brian. Which meant he would want Brian? Did want Brian? Justin felt dizzy, and before he knew it Brian's hand was lightly pressing against the small of his back and they were walking toward the diner together.

Brian didn't bother to make conversation with Justin as they were walking. He simply watched Justin as Justin watched the world.

His face had rounded off a little. His cheekbones less prominant, but Brian could see it wasn't from weight gain - just little changes that had happened as he grew up. He was wearing a white jacket. Leather, Brian noted proudly, though it wasn't to his taste. His bleached denim jeans hugged his ass perfectly, and Brian thought he looked more delicious then he ever had before.

The main change in Justin wasn't his looks though. Brian could see from the second Justin basically ignored him in the Diner that day that Justin was different. It was something in his voice, something in his eyes, in the way he walked. Confidence poured out of him. And not in the 'I know I'm hot' cocky way it had been before. This Justin had more confidence in himself as a person. Brian wanted to see just how much these little differences had changed Justin, and he wanted to test what he could expect from him. And - though he would never admit it aloud, because of course _everybody_ wants Brian Kinney - Brian wanted to see if Justin still wanted him, because right now, as Justin manouvered his hand from Brian's hesitant grip for the second time, it wasn't looking good.

* * *

"Brian! It's still a shock to the system seeing your face 'round these parts!" Debbie's smile faultered a little when she saw who had followed into the diner behind him. "And Sunshine! How are you honey?"

Justin let Debbie pull him into a hug and watched as Brian kissed her on the cheek. Justin was coming down faster than usual and he felt like shit. He sat down in the nearest booth and continued to watch Brian as he finished talking to Debbie, and sat himself across from Justin.

"You want some food?" Justin shook his head in response.

"Justin."

"Brian."

"So are you... Are you seeing anybody?"

"No."

"No?"

"No."

"Justin." Brian said again, this time more exasperated than before.

"Brian." Was Justin's still infuriating response. The irritation in his voice didn't go unnoticed by Brian, who stood up again and began to walk to the door.

"I'm giving you a lift home." Justin decided that for now, it would be easier not to argue with Brian. He was certain his head, at least, would appreciate it the following morning. He too stood, gave Debbie a small smile, and followed Brian out of the diner.

* * *

Debbie watched as the door shut behind the two men and wondered why they'd even bothered coming in if they were planning on leaving not three minutes later, without even ordering anything. She shook her head and went back to serving her customers. She never had understood those two.

* * *

"Turn right here, Brian."

"Not Debbie's?"

Justin couldn't help but smirk. Did Brian not know how long he was gone? Did he expect time to stand still in Pittsburgh while he was off gallavanting around New York?

"I'm turning 23 next week Brian. I'm not a child anymore."

The rest of the car journey was silent apart from the quietely muttered directions to Justin's apartment. The air was thick with things unsaid and Justin let out a sigh. Brian thought that Justin shouldn't know how to sigh like that. It was the sigh of a man so bored of the world beating him down he just gives up fighting it. Brian knew it was his fault. Of course it was.

Brian pulled over to the curb where Justin told him to stop and turned to look at Justin. Justin's blue eyes met hazel ones and in that moment they were limitless. Neither of the two men were able to form a coherent thought. All that was there was each other.

Their faces were just inches away when Justin felt Brian's warm breath against his mouth. It was like a bucket of cold water. He pulled away and got out of the car, needing to put as much space as he possibly between him and Brian. Before walking into his apartment building he turned to look at Brian through his unwound, driver's side window.

"You're back, ok. I get it. I understand. But know this, the heat between us may not have gone but I _promise_ you the man I was has. You want to be my friend? Ok. You want to fuck me? I'm sure we can work something out, but Brian I can't have you looking at me like you did in the car just now. I can't have you getting all pissy and jealous when someone else wants me, and you can in no way dictate to me what I can and cannot do, because when you go there, there is no going back and I don't want to want you like I did before. I can't want you like I did before, because I have been down that road before, I know that feeling. Like I need you." Justin's face was red, his eyes intense and his nostril's flared. It was time Brian saw him as the man he is, not the boy he was. He turned and walked into his building before Brian could say or do anything that would melt his resolve.

Justin told himself that if he was going to let Brian back in, he would be running the show. He's not the twink in the tight red sweater who was crying on Brian's shoulder the night before he left, begging him not to go. That wasn't him any more. That wasn't who he was.

He told himself this before taking a deep breath, and pushing his head furthur into his pillow, waiting for his tears to dry.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N, Hi my name is Laura and I am the worst person ever at updating. I'm sorry, it's been ages and this chapter is so short too. I'm doing my best, don't hate me too much and please try to review. Your words really help me! :)**

* * *

Brian's lifestyle had changed whilst he was living in New York. Not dramatically. He still tricked, he still did drugs and he still drank. He still partied. Just not as... often. Not as heavily. Every Saturday night that he would choose to stay in rather than go out, Brian would blame on the fact the work load was exhausting him. And, with all his friends still in Pittsburgh, he had no one to go out with. And yet, Brian had been in Pittsburgh two weeks, and had only tricked once. Felt himself going to Babylon simply because he felt he should, and noticed himself stopping after his second Jim Beam.

You'd think staying in a place for that long, you'd make new friends, but Brian decided he's rather be alone than be friends with the concieted hetero snobs he worked with. Alone. Brian had been thinking about that word a lot recently. He looked at the time, and seeing it was only 6pm, decided he'd relax for a few hours, before meeting the boys at Woody's at 9.

He settled his long body into the leather sofa he'd recently purchased for his new - temporary, he told himself - apartment. He felt himself sink into the material and sighed as the warmth enveloped him. Brian began thinking about his friends. It turns out that while he was away, Mikey had managed to pick himself up a hunky professor. Brian let out a chuckle even now, thinking about the way 'Zen Ben' had begged Brian to tie him up that time they fucked at the white party. Seeing them together though, Brian grudgingly admitted to himself that they were good for each other. Ben's calmness and patience canceling out Michael's sometimes brash and annoying personality. He remembered the way that they were laughing at the diner the other day. Ted and Blake were showing them a funny cartoon in the most recent issue of 'Out'. Theodore. Even he had someone. Brian promptly realised he was starting to compare his love life to Ted's and shook his head before standing and heading to the fridge for a beer.

Everything that he - Brian 'Fucking' Kinney - had stood for before was arguing against the things he was craving. He would never turn into a Stepford fag, living in the suburbs, cooking dinner for when the old man came home like a good little wife. But something in Brian - something that was making itself more and more known every fucking day - wanted someone to rely on. A familiar face to come home to. A warm body in his bed at night - one that he wouldn't have to kick out first thing in the morning.

He was conflicting himself. What he lives by would be embarrased of the feelings that Brian was having, the man he was becoming. And yet the way he lives has always forced him to go after what he wants and take it. No matter the consequences. Is this why no matter what Justin says to him, he still keeps finding himself chasing after this younger man?

Could Brian really do this? With Justin? And more importantly, would Justin allow it? His speech the other day had thrown Brian for a loop. He needed a shower. Preferably in scotch.

* * *

"When do you get off baby?" Emmett asked as Justin served him and his 'boyfriend' for the night their meals.

"Around 8." Justin responded. He looked up at the clock. Only two more hours or so.

"Yay. Why don't you come meet us all at Woody's at 9?"

"Uh... Sure, Em."

Justin knew Brian would be there tonight and the thought of seeing the older man filled him with anxiety, but he had to be strong if he was going to get what he wanted. He wanted friendship, he wanted a chance to spend time with just Brian, as oppose to Brian and his dick, as it always was in the past.

Justin knew he loved Brian for Brian. No matter what had changed, that hadn't. But this time round, Justin wanted Brian to love him for him. Not to just appreciate the way he was always a reliable lay. So he would go to Woody's. He would smile and laugh, he would flirt. And even though it caused him more pain than he ever wanted to feel, he would turn away from Brian at the end of the night, and go home alone. If he was going to get what he wanted this was his only option. And he _was_ going to get what he wanted.


End file.
